Dealing with sexuality and gender
What is it?
There are an awful lot of terms and concepts related to this topic. On this page, you will find a description of some commonly used terms and concepts. It is worth noting that these terms may have different meanings for everyone and are subject to change*.
Gender encompasses more than just biological classification by sex. Gender is about traits associated with being male, female, masculine or feminine. Gender identity is about how you feel inside, your personal experience and which gender you think suits you. There are different gender identities. If your identity fits the body you were born with (birth sex), it is called cisgender. When your gender identity does not fit your birth sex, you call it transgender. You may also feel that you are not necessarily male or female (a-gender or gender neutral), fall in between or a combination of both, or more of a fluid form of gender (e.g. gender queer, gender non-binary, gender fluid, third gender).
Besides gender identity, you also have gender expression. This is the way you express yourself to others, how you behave and what you show. It is about how you dress, walk and talk. What you like, how you behave and what you do does not have to fit your gender identity or biological sex. So gender expression and gender identity can be different even for someone.
Your gender identity, gender experience and gender expression can raise many questions and confusing feelings. Perhaps you too have been struggling for a while with questions like who you are, or don't feel comfortable with the gender you were born with. Many young people have these doubts. It is not a bad thing and it is important to know that you are not alone. It is known that young people with gender incongruence, where your birth sex does not or does not fully match your gender identity, are more likely to have additional mental health issues than those who do not have gender incongruence. They are more vulnerable to developing psychological symptoms, think depressive feelings, negative self-image and anxiety.
What can you do yourself?
- Take the space and time for your own quest to be who you want to be. Discover this at your own pace.
- Discuss feelings. If you are in doubt or struggling about your gender or sexuality, it can help to write down how you feel or to talk to someone about it. This way, you make your feelings understandable to yourself and to others. It can be nice if you share your feelings with someone you trust within your own environment. If you prefer to talk to someone outside your immediate circle, or are looking for support, information or contact with like-minded people, you can visit the following websites for info and contact details:
- If you are ready to tell more people around you about your gender identity or sexual orientation, it is called 'Coming out of the closet'/'Coming-out'. Being open about yourself and making it clear to those around you how you feel can help you to feel freer, but it can also lead to negative reactions. It is important that you decide for yourself what is most comfortable for you and if, how and when the time of your coming-out is. You can also ask advice about this from people close to you who you trust or find information on the websites mentioned on this page.
- Reading other people's experience stories can help you recognise your own feelings. It can also help to talk to people who have struggled with the same things as you, the quest to find out who you are and what you want in terms of love and sex.
- Experimenting can also help you find out what suits you and what you like.
- If you feel or think you are gender incongruent, seek psychological help or are thinking about gender reassignment, a counsellor such as a GP can refer you to specialised help.
* If you have any comments on the terms and explanations given, please contact studiesucces@fontys.nl.